Pain Threshold leads to God Dependence

Recently it dawned on me that my threshold for pain is huge. Well, in my definition at least. Since I was small, I barely complain of being sick or in pain. I remembered when one of my teeth was about to fall out like hanging by a string, I didn't tell my parents and pull it out myself. I think I never have gotten down to telling them.

I have quite a number of stories but the most recent, I was on my way back from Sydney with friends. when we were just half an hour away from landing at Kuala Lumpur, my ears and my head was hurting as if a bomb was going explode inside my head. My nose was also experiencing tightening. I had no idea what's happening, the pain was excruciating I thought I might die if something did burst inside me and yet I didn't call out for help. Neither did I show the extent of my pain to my friend, so no one took it seriously.

I bent down my head and stayed still as best as I could, breathing extremely slow because every breath I took it makes the pressure and pain in my head worse. In all this turmoil, my spirit cried out to God for help, a cry of helplessness and fear. Telling him "please make it stop, I don't know how to shout for help", "the pain is killing me and I have not felt this before".
Moments later, it subdued a little, I could move a little, I didn't know how to sit or even to breathe for that matter, afraid the attack will come back.
God knew and understood who I am and what I was not able to do. He healed me from whatever that might have happened. He intervened for if He did not and I remained in that pain, I wouldn't be able to get off the plane like a normal person.  Those 15min of excruciating torment made me feel alone and unsure of what's next.

I'm truly grateful for His understanding and intervention. I consider this experience as God saving me again.

My life is His and truly I submit this body of mine to Him. I will accept only His time for my departure away from this earth to my heavenly home. I can only pray that I will be able to do my best to care for the body He has given me.

And just recently I researched and found out its called aerosinusitis. If you Google it, you would be able to find out more. A good awareness for people with sinus.

Encounter Weekend 2015

For this Encounter Weekend, a friend said she felt some of us are meant to go. Surprisingly, I relented and the thought about the classes I have to shift didn't seem to bother me this time. When it was time to register, shifting classes was a breeze.

  As it was a busy week for me, I didn't prepare myself based on the notes that the pastor gave. I just told God to meet me where I am. During the worship in the first session, God showed me dancing, it was not a performance but I was dancing with a sense of liberty. A dancer feels free when they are dancing. There are no holdbacks and there are no awkwardness In trying to dance correctly. He was showing me I can be that girl. I was going through some things in my life and I suppose God knows what kind of vision I could relate to. It's not that l'm meant to dance but its an imagery of what I should be feeling. When the facilitator ( Ps. Rachel) ministering came to pray for me, she spoke over me and said what God wants to do for me, it was very comforting because before the weekend, God has spoken to me something similar but I was  quite hardened towards it. God  obviously finds that I needed to listen  to Him and she was the instrument of His voice. I'm touched that He didn't just let me be and I thank God for His reassuring vision and words through her.

In the second session, the vision of me dancing now includes Him. He is taking the lead like the flow is led by him. I was starting to let God take control of my burdens. He also reminded me of a vision He showed me years ago which also was a reminder of how much He cares for us, His children. ( But that is another testimony for another time)

In the last session, I do not really remember what the same pastor spoke over me but as she prayed over me, I felt the warmth and the anointing of God within embracing my whole being.   I thank God that He is always looking out for me and to hear Him speak to me and through her during this weekend was timely. He always know what we need even though we might not feel like listening. And He doesn't give up till we get what we need.

Truly a blessed Encounter Weekend.

I Belong To You I love to worship with this song. Beautiful!

Notes from an old Notebook

 Once in a while I find myself writing in my notebook. I love notebooks, I collect and use it when I can, if not it remains a collection. This post is dated in October, 2008 in one of my Thought-Keeping Notebook where I write about what God speaks to me through everyday things in life. And it was written:

                I have not been to the hair salon for quite awhile in terms of hair keeping. Although I still have a degree of curls since my last perm, I encountered a lot of difficult knots that I can’t seem to disentangle it.  Then it dawned on me, God shows me if we don’t upkeep our spiritual faith, temple-keeping, consciousness of God’s Word, we would end up with a lot of ‘knots’ in our life.  They could become bondages.  It can get to the point when our desires become too drawn to the tantalizing ways of this world and the need for God is lessen.

                The saying goes “An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure”

I need to take care of my hair to avoid the knots becoming a dead knot because when it does I will have to cut it off.  And so its the same with our everyday living, we want to avoid bad consequences. He reminded me that it’s only logical for me to care for the temple of the Holy Spirit(our body) which He resides in. With a simple fact that He is in me. To honour God with my words and actions as well as my physical body is what God desires from us.  Easier said than done but the key is to always try with His help. Depending on our own strength can get pretty short lived however with God's help, it gets easier and we become a stronger person.

It’s great that we have a loving and gracious God ‘cos we can never meet His standards yet He cares to help us out, He forgives us and never leave us, and there is nothing we can do to make Him love us more. He loves us just as we are.

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I love dancing more than playing an instrument or singing and even though I have stopped dancing on stage for many years now, it was probably for the best. For I know my weakness and I may not have been strong enough to withstand certain things like I would have probably gotten into a crowd I might regret or dancing in ways I might not please God.  I still love music , rhythm and melody always gets to me. Although I have only danced in church a few times, I have not felt that it was my calling to be in that ministry just yet. Yet to be known where that ministry is concern.

Everyone has their own giftings and callings, I pray we all find it soon enough to live it out and if you are already living it, continue to use it for His glory. 

Head Injury Deterred

A sudden loud glass shattering sound came from below. I ran downstairs thinking if Daddy has fallen or dropped something. Trying find the source of the sound, I came to my piano room. Here's the damage:

Glass table was broken

The ceiling fault area

God saved me again. The very spot I sit while teaching kids at the piano, is the exact spot the big piece of white cement fell on. Recently we moved the glass table in the room, therefore with little space, I end up sitting at the edge of the table while overseeing my students play the piano. My title says head injury deterred,but I wondered if God saved me from death. Again.

I went upstairs and said a little thank you to Daddy in heaven for literally watching over my head or shoulders. Literally calculating the distance and the impact towards either my head or shoulder if I was sitting there working.

My heart may skipped a beat but the same time a heave of gratefulness / relief seeps in.

Other times He Saved me.
Escaped Death Through His Peace

God Saved Me From Being Blind

All of my days by Raymond Tan

Raymond Tan from Penang performed his latest song All of My Days during Fresh Encounter Conference 2014.  I didn't catch the name of the lady singer who sang it but her voice was so sweet and yet powerful.  Kudos to her.

Raymond has other albums and also one of the member of SAND.

Introducing All of my Days by Raymond Tan.

Fresh Encounter Conference 2014

Speakers of Fresh Encounter Conference 2014

Ps.Chew Weng Chee

Andries Botha

Ps.Thomas Cherian

Rev. Benedict Augustine 

Ps.Julius Subi

Ps. Christina Ang

This event was organised by Ps.Paul and Ps.Christina Ang and their team. This year it was held in Mega Arena, Kuala Lumpur. Next year will be in Penang.
 My testimony as below:

I was very blessed by the speakers but most of all encountering God was the ultimate blessing anyone could ask for. Worship is usually the time I meet God whether its personal worship or corporate worship. During the first session,  I didn't give it my all and I asked God to help me worship freely. Later, in the second session I was able to abit more, and as I enter in deeper, I saw a vision of Jesus standing right infront of me. He had open arms yet He didn't come any closer, I blinked and as I worship, He's still there. He was smiling and wanted me to focus on Him and nothing else. His presence and His comfort overwhelmed me, I couldn't hold back my tears. I thanked Him for the help I didn't expect and for being there when I really needed Him.

He began to speak to me through the messages, dealing with the issues of my heart.

When Ps.Chew led us in prayer for Sabah and Sarawak and subsequently Ps. Paul and others, God allowed me to feel the pain the nation was going through. And honestly with the hardness I have nowadays, it gave way and the wall broke and I cried to God for them and Malaysia. And because of that, I was able to intercede in prayers for them.

For the last three nights, I slept like a baby for I had no sinus issues at all while staying at the hotel. Normally the air conditioning through out the night in a hotel would have me prepare a tissue box right next to me. Lo and behold, it was not necessary!

Time for me to review my notes and recalibrate my thoughts to get in line with God's system. As the saying goes' walk the talk, talk the walk'.
That's gonna take time and effort, but God's grace will see us through it all.

I would like to encourage those who have backslided and has a desire to make a change. Worship Him and release your burdens to Him and He will carry you through for His yoke is light.
Be in the midst of brothers and sisters in Christ who can encourage and pray with you. God gave me a vision years ago and spoke to me about different ways to hang on to Him. I hope to illustrate and write it out one day. Till then, never stop communing with your Friend, your Father!

Ps.Paul Ang

 I remembered my friend Josh brought a shofar before to youth meeting. And it was years ago when Ps David Swan and team led in prophetic worship with shofars too. Brings me back to the land of Jerusalem, a place I've never been : )

A man playing the shofar

God bless you!

Is God silent?

When God seem silent yet you need Him what do you do?

 1. Listen to songs God has inspired artists to compose. Most recently I listened alot to Kari Jobe  " What Love Is This" and "You Are For Me". If you are more musically inclined, this could work well. Some songs can help us prepare to receive from Him.

2. Read testimonies of those who had gone through trials and how God worked in their situations. Then try reading Psalms or I like to use my Touchpoint Bible as it has topics and it points you to verses that concerns the topic. Very helpful.

 3. Talk to someone you trust who can be a lending ear, one whose words you can respect and receive. Someone that can pray for you, look out for you.

4. Be in the presence of God in a church or cell group. You can be in the presence of God anytime or anywhere but when you are down and being alone does not help, then its best to be with a group worshipping and listening to God's Word.

 All the above are some  ways to get closer to God. For depressing moments, everything can seem cloudy and you cant see Him even if He is just two feet away. The point is not to give up or give way to something that is not right. There is a bunch of wrong things all of us may be capable of and probably regret later. Just remember God is always for you, not against you. Stay close to Him in all situations, no matter what, hang on to any bit of Him you can hold onto. Cos, thats all it takes for Him to know that you want Him in.

Kari Jobe -You Are For Me video